Who are you becoming?

Here I am, sitting on my bed as my cool, silk pillow supports my back and caresses my neck.  My window is open, the fresh Autumn breeze tickles my checks as the fading light of the afternoon gently rests on the sheets - slowly becoming dimmer as the cold dusk beckons.  Dustin O'Halloran's compositions inspire my thoughts and I am reminded of the words I once read in an old Kinfolk: "as people get older, they realise that time is more valuable than money.  And finding more time to do absolutely nothing is perhaps exactly what we all need." (Nikaela Marie Peters).  

I sit here with the last of my assessment (of the term) looming and stress not far behind - I AM FOCUSED.  When is it due?  What needs to be done?  I am constantly thinking about the work that needs to be done and about the profession I am going to enter into once I finish my degree. Professionalism, work and worry about whether I will actually be able to cope in "the real world" possess my brain and take over my thoughts and consume my time.  There have been several moments during my time of study (over the past three and a bit years) where I feel like I have lost myself -  lost my creativity and lost the dreams I used to have.  Goals of becoming someone who lives in constant creativity.  I feel like now is one of those times.  I remember the days when I was excited to create, to create things without pressure and without fear.  Perhaps as I have gotten older and learnt the ways of life, its intricacies and hardships, I became cynical towards the expression of creating.  Or perhaps I have become fearful of the creative life I once dreamed of having. 

One of my largest fears, is the fear of losing my imagination, thus losing my ability to create. At times, I know that I can feel this happening. I am afraid. I don't want that to be who I become.  

So, in an effort to bring back my 'old self', I am going to write a list of goals of who I want to be and stick it somewhere where I can see it, where I will be reminded every day of what I wish to achieve. 

- I want to be someone who creates without fear.

- to to be someone who is eager to learn - from university, from books, from others experiences. 

- to be someone who isn't afraid to ask questions.  

- someone who writes to evoke emotion and beautiful imageries. 

- I want to be someone who takes times for others, to reconnect with people and to be completely present when spending time with people. 

- someone who tends to a garden and has a house full of greenery, to take time to appreciate life and the beauty of it all. 

- someone who is affected and truly moved by the music they hear, to soak it in and let it fill every part of my body. To know what music feels like.

- I want to be someone who appreciates the importance of time - to remember that we have no control over it, that it is precious, and that we will never know when our time is 'up'.

Who are you becoming? Who do you want to be?  

There is no better time start, than now. 

☼